Strong Yet Sensitive

"Babies do not come with an instruction manual when you bring them home from the hospital!"
That is a familiar and popular saying among parents. It often holds within it fear, amazement, frustration, and even wonder. It has to be pointed out, however, that if it was left to the fathers, the nice, simple, clearly written instruction manual would probably never be opened if it did exist.

Men are notorious for striking out alone, as if on a personal adventure journey when it comes to accomplishing a task. They have a drive that can also be multiplied if somewhere along the way the task is presented to him as a personal challenge. It has to be a natural occurrence in men, because the culture, age, upbringing, wealth, etc. never matters. Men like to go it alone and get to the desired result in their own time and their own way...regardless of how long it takes or how many avoidable mistakes are made along the way. Major missteps and casualties along the way are viewed only as parts of the process. As if in total indifference the man can stand over the top of the huge mess he has made and claim victory because the final objective has been achieved.

That might be all well and good when it comes to putting a bike, bookshelf, or doll house together. A broken part here and a trip to the store there is not a real big deal. However, it can prove most destructive when applied to raising children. The little child who is constantly learning from all stimuli cannot be treated like shelf "A" and hinge "C". There are very impressionable learning stages all along the way and the child is a responder, unlike the inanimate pieces of the many other projects in life.

Dads must be especially careful when dealing with their children. The male voice alone can be an overwhelming thing for young children. Add to that a confident, strong attitude that is often present and the child can be easily frightened. At that point, the only learning going on is a fear or at least uneasiness with Dad.

In the earliest stages of development the child only sees a different person who is much bigger. As growth and maturity continues, they begin to acknowledge that this big person is their father, and the child should be ready to trust and respect. The dependency on and importance of that trust and respect grows as the child ages. If fear has been learned instead, there is a better chance for real relationship issues between father and child.

That fear takes the place of trust and respect, but only early on in the child's life. As maturity unfolds, the level of fear diminishes and when the trust and respect of Dad is needed the most, it is absent. Many children begin to look at the world as something they can handle without Dad's advice and wisdom. When there is a genuine trust and respect for the father, a child never fully reaches that point. Instead, Dad is always someone they look to for helpful guidance as long as it is available.

Truly, the role a dad plays in the life of his children is paramount to their future. To build a good, strong, loving relationship with his child, the dad must begin early by treating the relationship as something very special. Strength is very necessary from a father, but without sensitivity, it can have a less than positive influence on a child.